I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If that was your dad, he is hot
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
