it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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