I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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