He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
