I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
