Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
