god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
