just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's always time for handjobs
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
