Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
