YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize