my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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