i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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