wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
