You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
