There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
