So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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