Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
