Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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