I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
