I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
