if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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