It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
