I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
