You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
