Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
