There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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