guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
