pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
