Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
