If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
