I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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