I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize