sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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