I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
