Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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