I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
