So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You pole danced in your parka.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
