don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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