If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
