he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
