the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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