I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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