She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
being pregnant is like rehab
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
