LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
