You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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