If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
