I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
