I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
