I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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