I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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