We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
