Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
babies were throwing up all over the place
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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