God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
