There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
