i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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