So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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