i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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