So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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