Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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