you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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