She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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