I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I want is dick and wine.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
