I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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