This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
third nipple confirmed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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