a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
God, I missed his penis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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