I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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