Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
