spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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