I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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