After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Drunk is a universal language darling
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