Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
