just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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