Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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