Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
