I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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