I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
