Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
