I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All the doctor said was why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize