i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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