Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
