Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
