whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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