So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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