i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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