My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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